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Rewards and punishments in the family 2018
Goals and objectives: 1. Discuss with parents the issue of the promotion and punishment of child in the family.
2. To form the parents of the culture of rewards and punishments of the child in the family.
3. To show the advantages of nonviolent methods of upbringing children.
4. Identify tools and techniques to create humane relations in the family.
- I thank You for our scheduled meeting with you, and call the theme of our meeting "rewards and punishment" of children in the family.
Let's see how you can punish, and as it is impossible. Here are examples of different pedagogical situations.
Parents always put that boy for the faults in a corner. One day, being still only in the 4th grade, he told his father, "again put in a corner, run away to grandma's. To live with you anymore I will not"
One mother tells another: "We and beat, and punish, and he lessons in five minutes to make and the street. Evening will come - let's to check, and he's already asleep on the go. The next day comes, another two"
The family was born a small child. The eldest child - the pupil of the third class has changed dramatically: she became tearful, increasingly began to show aggression towards their parents, a small child, too, became the subject of aggression. Once again, when mom asked me to babysit, the third-grader said, "I'm not babysitters!" parents were terribly outraged, followed by punishment for the offense.
In such situations we, as parents, have to face very often. What to do in such situations or prevent them? What penalties apply to bad deeds of our children are not repeated?
To such questions we have to answer today.
Remember, dear parents, your childhood. Raise your hand those who's parents never, under any circumstances, not beaten, not spanked, finger touch...
- As you can see, these parents have.
All the old Russian literature shows that children were beaten, severely beaten, seeing this if not good, then sanctified tradition of inevitability. Oddly enough, but today the problem of "power" of influence - to beat or not to beat?- not fully resolved.
Raised belt many. As adults, you consciously or unconsciously continue this tradition. Why?
The first reason: many parents really believe that without a belt any good child can not go. Typically, these parents believe in their children, afraid of the future, afraid to forgive the children: "It is the second time something worse throw, you have to keep"
The second reason is the genuine misery of our children - our temper, frustrations, which are caused not by misses boys, and extraneous reasons. As happens in life? Something happened at work, I came home - wife rose, where were, yeah, yeah behold, as my son turned up under the arm, well, punched or tore anger"
And the third reason they beat the children. Beat the void, the hollow emptiness within himself. Beat because another way to talk to children do not know, words you need do not know.
Meanwhile, beat the children very unhealthy for medical reasons, and from the point of view of psychology and pedagogy.
On the head - it's just a crime, it is unlikely that someone from beating parents do not want to see their child smart. Hand doctors strongly forbid to beat, because there are many nerve endings associated with the various organs. A kick in the face is humiliating, it is never forgotten and never be forgiven.
Physical punishment dulls all the best qualities in children, contributes to the development in them of lies and hypocrisy, cowardice and cruelty, excites anger and hatred to the elders.
Opponent of physical punishment was Anton Makarenko (*famous teacher). In his works he showed them great harm in the cause of education. Anton Makarenko believed that physical punishment to the child are "a tragedy of pain and resentment, a tragedy of cruelty, of children's patience In such families there is no real discipline. Children are afraid of parents and try to be away from them.
But not only physical punishment by parents cause psychological trauma to our children.
With language, some parents do not go of the words: "what did I say?", "Do what you're told" etc. It's not just words. It is a method of education. Parents believe that their business order and the child must obey.
But they forget or do not think that a free person cannot become the family slave. Showing their parental authority, they don't think about the fact that their strength is their weakness: to convince a child to be evidence much more difficult than to impose his will and force him to obey their parents. Externally, submitting the order, the child remains unconvinced, and the orders of parents is among the more hostile, the more openly parents plant their guidance, their opinion. So in the relations of children and parents is the exclusion. The child ceases to be alive and cheerful, he hides his secret, becomes sullen or hidden, afraid to say something wrong.
And what all the same effects apply if the child was guilty? Because either way, the transgression cannot be ignored.
Effective means of dealing with offending children is your temporary neglect of communion with him, deprivation of his confidence: "You did so-and-so, although they knew: you can't, and I talk to you about"
This is followed by estrangement. If it's not there. His words turn a deaf ear to his pleading look smiles do not notice. Him wanting more. Sometimes it is useful to say the little man: "You have disappointed me because of that and because of that, I'll have one to go visit." And the need to sustain the character, not to take the guilty. The trick here is not to deprive the child of something desirable, and that you refuse to share with him the joy. Don't react to pleas for forgiveness. Some children know that the louder they shout, the faster you forgive them. One, two hurry to forgive. And before you know, your savvy child, not having to get out of one offense, will safely make a new one, exactly knowing: it is necessary to ask forgiveness - and forgiveness is received. Do not have to demand from the child a verbal apology. Need to atone for deeds and actions. You break it, you fix it. Not the sang - do. Noisy. Interfere with others - show what you've learned to reckon with the facilities of the other and can quietly talk.
The main method of education is a belief. Keep this in mind. And for this talk with your child, communicate with them, look for examples of positive confirmation of your thoughts, be tactful, assuring him. The child should explain why his action is reprehensible.
Sometimes indirect impact on the child greater impact than direct. Children can be more useful sometimes to read a story or fairy tale. Which referred to such situations and be aware of what this act deserves.
But not abuse, not only punishment, but encouragement. Undeserved promotion, child is harmful to the common cause of education. It develops the child's complacency, vanity, conceit. Must encourage in moderation, so the promotion is actually performing the function of a stimulus that the child had a desire to even better to learn to correct his behaviour.
- Problems in the education of inexhaustible as the sea. And no one can foresee all the possible twists and turns, variations, subtleties which can arise in our relationships with children.
- I would now like to read a letter that the woman wrote in the magazine “Family and school”. I was very touched, and I want to read it to you. Listen to me, please.
(letter to the magazine “Family and school”) I'm Sorry, son!
This is the story of a family “dysfunctional” as we are called. The mother raises a son on her own without her husband divorced when her son and was not. And here son is already 14 years old, she is 34, she works as an accountant in a small institution. For the last year life turned into hell. If the fifth-grade son was okay, then there were three. And even worse, she wanted to Volodya graduated from the nine-year-old, received at least some specialty! Persistent challenges in school: in conversation homeroom teacher did not stand on ceremony, scolded her in the presence of many teachers, who also did not miss to talk about the iniquities of Volodya and his underperformance. Depressed, irritated, she walked home, feeling complete impotence to change anything. Her rebukes and exhortations, he listened silently and sullenly. Lessons were still taught at home didn't help.
So today I came home and found the room not cleaned again. But in the morning, leaving for work, strictly told: “I will Come from school clean in the apartment!”
Putting the kettle on the stove, she is wearily and reluctantly began to clean up. Wiping the dust, suddenly saw a vase, a crystal vase presented to her when a friends birthday (because most never buy, the only values in the house — no. She froze. Claimed? Sold? Thoughts one worse than the other Les in the head. Yes, recently she saw him with some suspicious boys. To the question: “Who is it?” the son grunted in response, something unintelligible, and on the face was clearly read: “none of your business!”
“Drug addicts!” — cut through her brain. Oh, my God! What to do it they made it! He could not himself! It is not so! And suddenly he smokes a potion? Or?. She rushed down the stairs. In the yard was already dark, the street hurried pedestrians are rare. Slowly returned home. “My fault! Myself! In all! He long was not among the living! Even Wake up in the morning shout! And in the evenings! The whole evening yelling at him! Sonny, dear, what kind of mother you got unlucky!” she cried. Then he began carefully to clean the house — sit just so.
Scrubbing behind the refrigerator, she came across some newspaper. Pulled. He heard the sound of glass, she pulled out a newspaper wrapped in shards of broken crystal vases.
“Broke. Broke!” suddenly realized she cried again. But it was tears of joy. So he broke a vase and do not carried away, hid. And now, fool, do not go home, afraid! And suddenly again she paused — no, he was no fool! She imagined how he would see the broken vase, presented and fury. sighed heavily and began to cook dinner. Set the table, spread a napkin and placed plates.
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